I hate New Year’s. I am so full of rage I don’t even know how to form a proper introduction, so I’m just going to list reasons that New Year’s is stupid holiday.
1. People cheering at midnight. I rang in the new year at work, and at midnight, I had to listen to a solid 5 minutes of cheering and shouting and screaming. From Nathan Phillips Square. Many, many blocks away from my work. It was so loud it may as well have been happening inside my head. WHY ARE YOU CHEERING? It’s just midnight. It happens every day. OMG YAY IT’S SUNDAY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Stupid resolutions. Why wait all year to change yourself when you can start on any other 364 days. Pushing goals aside until January is lazy. If your life sucks, do something about it. Don’t wait until the new year and tell yourself you’re going to suck less this year. You probably won’t. And thanks to people like this, I won’t be able to get a treadmill at the gym until January 15.
3. Facebook status updates. “2012 is going to be a good year!” “SO glad 2011 is over – bring on the new year!” Seriously?! Seriously. 2011 was YESTERDAY. Your life probably isn’t going to change dramatically at the stroke of midnight. The fact that you’re writing a new date these days likely hasn’t impacted your life in any way. And come December, Facebook will be full of “OMG 2012 was SO LAME. 2013 HERE WE COME!” Really. Don’t kid yourself. This year will be shitty too.
4. Everything is closed. You know when it’s acceptable to have every store imaginable closed on the same day? Christmas. A widely-recognized Christian holiday celebrating Santa coming down the chimney Christ’s birth. What happened on January 1? Newsflash, the month changes every 30 days or so. No need to close down the entire fucking world.
Seriously folks. It’s just Sunday. No need to get all excited. Ugh.
